Last nightwas an adventure, to say the least. My dear friend Greg decided to take myself, his son Zach, my host dad, and host brother on a little trip near the governor's mansion where there are some trails in the woods nearby.
This is no problem for a directionally gifted person like myself, except that Greg's purpose was to get us lost, and have us find our way back.
It's very dark outside, and after maybe 15 minutes of walking/running into the woods Greg has the team shut off all of our lights and try to find our way back.
This was incredibly difficult because our eyes had become adjusted to having a small light in front of us, and were not able to receive complete darkness well. The first 5 minutes of our journey back as spend trying to let our eyes adjust to where we could see the path we had just walked.
After some time we made it back, and it was a lot of fun to journey through the woods with some fun guys. But, just as we were approaching the exit to the woods, Greg dropped a huge truth bomb.
He began to explain a spiritual application to our little adventure, which helped give me more clarity on why God is choosing to work in me in such mysterious ways.
He explained how when we walk in complete darkness our eyes can't focus, and it can be easy for us to be led onto a path that will take us places we don't want to go. Psalm 119:105 says, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet; and a light unto my path."
In a world that is often described as dark and cruel the only source of light we have is the Word of God, and the hope we have in Christ. During times of darkness, we have to view the words of God as a light that will guide us out of an unfamiliar area that we cannot see in.
Admittedly, I have done a horrible job of this. I have viewed the Bible as a tool that might be useful in helping me find joy in Kansas. But the Bible is going to be essential in me discovering the way Christ has called me during my time in Topeka. I need to be fed spiritually every day from the Word of God.
Please pray that I would hunger for the word of God, that I would crave it and desire it more than anything in my life.
Among this, I have been struggling to find my worth and identity in Christ.
As,wonderful as it is, I have found some friends whose company I genuinely enjoy. Several times over the past few weeks I have had the joy of being around people (nearly) my own age, who love Jesus, and want each other to grow spiritually.
But the problem is me.
I have been doing everything possible, since meeting these people, to make them like me. I hope that with every time we hang out together, that I will be invited back. My desperation for friendship is not spiritually healthy, or honoring to God.
My salvation has nothing to do with what my friends think of me. My worth is not based upon what anyone in the world think of me, but is based solely on the fact that Christ has taken my sin and given me his perfect record of righteousness to stand blameless before God. I don't have to strive to fit in with anyone (although it would be nice) because, as cliche as it sounds, Christ has made me who I am for a reason and the right people will appreciate that at the right time. That being said, I am extremely grateful for my new friends who have been spending some time with me lately, they have made me feel welcome in a foreign place, and have taken time to get to know me, which is very refreshing in times like these.
God is still working in me, please pray earnestly that I would respond to God tugging on my heart. I always want to hear the Spirit's voice guiding me, and remembering scripture to light the path in front of me.
Prayer requests:
-A love for reading the Bible, and a hunger for more of God's word in my life.
-A bold love for Christ, evident to the people I come in contact with as a part of TMP.
-Desire to understand and better apply the importance of integrity, and accountability.
-Rest during a busy time of year.
-Joy in the Lord through surrendering my will for God's, submitting to his power over my life, and sacrificing myself for the well being of others.
John3:30
-Daniel
PS: I apologize for any typing mistakes, this was written late at night and I am slightly delirious.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Becoming more like Jesus.
Over the past month, I've been listening to Matt Chandler sermons every chance I get. And today I listened to one that blew my mind about the process of becoming more like Jesus.
I feel like one of the problems with accepting Christ at such a young age is that you cannot come to a full understanding of the problem of sin. My sin has fails to be a big deal to me sometimes, and because of that, I don't understand my inability to change myself or to be better than I am now. I tend to approach my life with a "white-knuckle" or "I can try harder" mentality, where I constantly try to make people happy, and I consistently fail in my efforts to be a better person for that reason. I'm learning that in my relationship with God it is not about how hard I try or what my efforts can achieve.
Understanding how little I bring to the table makes my need for Christ a great deal, and my need for him to change me even greater. I have been feeling weary lately in my attempt to pursue God. I've been trying to be better by reading my Bible more, and praying more. But I will fail, I will slip up.
The only way I can become more like Jesus, is if he changes me. I couldn't do anything to save myself, and I am still powerless to make myself better. Jesus is the only one who can change me, and it starts with me fixing my eyes on him.
This has become a monumentally more difficult/simple process all at the same time, since moving to Kansas. I don't have any of the distractions that I used to have when I left Florida, but at the same time my heart still feels like it needs those things, when all it really needs is Jesus.
Please be praying that my eyes would not be looking for comfort, security, or joy in anything but Jesus. I want to become more like Jesus, in efforts to be the man Jesus is calling me to be.
John3:30
-Daniel
PS: I really enjoyed Skyping with some friends from Lakeland and Tallahassee this week! If you want to Skype sometime, text me! 785-409-4782
I feel like one of the problems with accepting Christ at such a young age is that you cannot come to a full understanding of the problem of sin. My sin has fails to be a big deal to me sometimes, and because of that, I don't understand my inability to change myself or to be better than I am now. I tend to approach my life with a "white-knuckle" or "I can try harder" mentality, where I constantly try to make people happy, and I consistently fail in my efforts to be a better person for that reason. I'm learning that in my relationship with God it is not about how hard I try or what my efforts can achieve.
"In the great exchange between you and God the only thing you bring to the table is your sin that makes salvation necessary" - Matt Chandler
Understanding how little I bring to the table makes my need for Christ a great deal, and my need for him to change me even greater. I have been feeling weary lately in my attempt to pursue God. I've been trying to be better by reading my Bible more, and praying more. But I will fail, I will slip up.
The only way I can become more like Jesus, is if he changes me. I couldn't do anything to save myself, and I am still powerless to make myself better. Jesus is the only one who can change me, and it starts with me fixing my eyes on him.
This has become a monumentally more difficult/simple process all at the same time, since moving to Kansas. I don't have any of the distractions that I used to have when I left Florida, but at the same time my heart still feels like it needs those things, when all it really needs is Jesus.
Please be praying that my eyes would not be looking for comfort, security, or joy in anything but Jesus. I want to become more like Jesus, in efforts to be the man Jesus is calling me to be.
John3:30
-Daniel
PS: I really enjoyed Skyping with some friends from Lakeland and Tallahassee this week! If you want to Skype sometime, text me! 785-409-4782
Sunday, September 22, 2013
September 22, 2013
I feel like this month has completely flown by. I feel like the month of August took forever to get over with, and I can't seem to remember where my time went this month.
Nevertheless, this month is nearly over, and I am encouraged to find that Topeka is starting to feel more like home. It's by no means home yet, but I'm starting to get more acquainted with the city itself, and even some of the people who live here.
I have loved the people who have taken the time to get to know me, and who have spent time with me, but many people in Topeka are hard to get to know. It's not that I mean to speak bad of the people here, but most of them are very settled into their routine and their own friend group. I'm sure that I was the same way when I was living in Tallahassee, or Lakeland with my friends. But, if I'm learning anything while I've stayed here, it's that I'm learning about the kind of friend I want to become when I go home.
Many of the people in Topeka have lived here there whole lives, and their parents and family still live here as well. This makes it difficult for someone to come in from a place like Florida and try to pry my way into a circle of people who have grown up together, attended each other's weddings, and had their kids grow up together. So, when I visit a new church as a prospective regular attender, many people will politely introduce themselves, and even be surprised when I say that I just moved up from Florida, but rarely does someone take the time to invite me to sit with them, or get to know me. The times this has happened have become even more sweet, and refreshing than they ever could have without feeling such disconnect between myself and the people around me.*
But through this experience I'm learning about the kind of friend I want to become. When I find a church here, and even when I return home, I never want someone to walk into the doors of the church and feel unwanted. The church shouldn't be a place where someone comes in and feels like they have to offer something to be accepted, or even know people to be accepted. We (myself included) should always be welcoming and inviting to newcomers, even if it forces an awkward moment, or is an inconvenience. I never want to sit idly by at a church full of my friends while someone feels alone, or isolated at the same church. I would encourage you as your weeks goes on, in your jobs, churches, campus ministries, and everyday lives to reach out to those who are alone. You never know how God will use you for saying a few passing words, or introducing yourself to someone who looks lost, or looks as if they just need a friend. Jesus would have acted the same way, and I feel like it's something I will forever be continuing to work on as I strive to find his will for my life and become more like him.
I want to be a better friend, to be used by Jesus more, please hold me to this if you check up on me, and lift me up in prayer to be a better friend.
John3:30
-Daniel
Nevertheless, this month is nearly over, and I am encouraged to find that Topeka is starting to feel more like home. It's by no means home yet, but I'm starting to get more acquainted with the city itself, and even some of the people who live here.
I have loved the people who have taken the time to get to know me, and who have spent time with me, but many people in Topeka are hard to get to know. It's not that I mean to speak bad of the people here, but most of them are very settled into their routine and their own friend group. I'm sure that I was the same way when I was living in Tallahassee, or Lakeland with my friends. But, if I'm learning anything while I've stayed here, it's that I'm learning about the kind of friend I want to become when I go home.
Many of the people in Topeka have lived here there whole lives, and their parents and family still live here as well. This makes it difficult for someone to come in from a place like Florida and try to pry my way into a circle of people who have grown up together, attended each other's weddings, and had their kids grow up together. So, when I visit a new church as a prospective regular attender, many people will politely introduce themselves, and even be surprised when I say that I just moved up from Florida, but rarely does someone take the time to invite me to sit with them, or get to know me. The times this has happened have become even more sweet, and refreshing than they ever could have without feeling such disconnect between myself and the people around me.*
But through this experience I'm learning about the kind of friend I want to become. When I find a church here, and even when I return home, I never want someone to walk into the doors of the church and feel unwanted. The church shouldn't be a place where someone comes in and feels like they have to offer something to be accepted, or even know people to be accepted. We (myself included) should always be welcoming and inviting to newcomers, even if it forces an awkward moment, or is an inconvenience. I never want to sit idly by at a church full of my friends while someone feels alone, or isolated at the same church. I would encourage you as your weeks goes on, in your jobs, churches, campus ministries, and everyday lives to reach out to those who are alone. You never know how God will use you for saying a few passing words, or introducing yourself to someone who looks lost, or looks as if they just need a friend. Jesus would have acted the same way, and I feel like it's something I will forever be continuing to work on as I strive to find his will for my life and become more like him.
I want to be a better friend, to be used by Jesus more, please hold me to this if you check up on me, and lift me up in prayer to be a better friend.
John3:30
-Daniel
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Ezekiel with Isaac.
Recently, due to my pledge to read the Bible more, I have been going through the book of Ezekiel with one of my best friends, Isaac. I would be willing to bet that most of the people reading this blog have never gone through the book of Ezekiel before, because I never had until Isaac told me that he was, and we could keep each other accountable to our desire to seek God in his word. We have been reading 2 chapters a day, and calling one another (almost) every night to catch up on where we saw God in the passage, and how our hearts are doing in our ministry.
So, Ezekiel.
The first two chapters were a lot. Ezekiel is sitting by the side of this river in Babylon during Israel's exile, when all of the sudden he hears God's voice and sees the four creatures that have a way of popping up at different times in the Bible (the standard 4 faces, wings, feet like calves, wheels with thousands of eyes, proclaiming the presence of an almighty God that you'd expect from the Ruler of the universe). Ezekiel is fearful, and falls on his face in reverence, but as God begins to explain to him what he has in store he commands him to stand up and be ready.
As Isaac and I talked about how cool this was, we struggled to find a real applicable theme in the first two chapters. But we definitely discovered, through conversation, some of what God commands of us as believers today.
Looking at Ezekiel's reverence, and how God commanded him to stand before he explained how he would use him to bring the Gospel to Israel, we ought to take the same posture when God calls us to do his work. We are always to be reverent of God, but when the time comes for us to go, we must be ready to act. We must be prepared to do the will of God at a moments notice, because we never know when God could call us to do something big. But also, our reverence is important. Every time we get near the holiness of God we should check ourselves just a little bit because we have done nothing to deserve a place in his presence, but, in fact, have done everything to earn ourselves death in his sight. But, Christians can rejoice because God's holy justice is buffered by his perfect love. We have the pleasure of serving a God how is holy in justice towards those who rebel against him, but also perfect in love and mercy towards those he has redeemed and called according to his purposes.
As I kept reading through chapter 4, several points kept coming up as God was telling Ezekiel where to go and what to do. God kept telling Ezekiel to preach boldly, to tell the rebellious people of Israel that the wrath of God was coming, but he said that some would not listen. Some people Ezekiel would talk to would let his words pass through their ears and not change.
This definitely has an application to today; we are called by God to share the Gospel always. We are supposed to be intentional with non-believers to share the good news with them, but there will be people who will not want anything to do with God, or the message we bring. Which brings the point around; God is sovereign, he has not called us to change lives, but to be obedient and share the good news. People have never saved other people, we are all broken just the same, but God is the one who changes people. The only difference between me and the worse serial killer on death row right now is Jesus. Jesus changes people, we are just called to preach in boldness and clarity as we speak the truth of the Gospel in love.
Chapters 5 & 6 gave me some more clarity as to why God called me into Kansas, and were full of wisdom about God, but in a different way than I am used to seeking it.
Chapters 5 & 6 were all about how God plans to "spend [His] fury" on Israel for their idolatry. Idolatry in the Bible has never been something that God has dealt with lightly, and their are gruesome details explaining God's plan for Israel because of how their hearts have turned from him to things he created. His jealousy for the hearts of his people is clearly displayed in the seriousness of his discipline towards his people.
Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." So that same jealous God is still on the throne calling us away from idolatry. I was worshipping the comfort of friendships, the convenience of having my family close by, and trying to find my joy and satisfaction in my surroundings. But God's seriousness of his jealousy for my hearts affection has been clearly displayed in how he called me out to Kansas to get me isolated from distractions and all the idols I used to worship. He is wanting my heart; all of it.
I am praying that this time i spend reading the Bible every day would be fruitful, and that I would continue to learn more about God and his desire to capture my heart and use me. Please be praying that I have a genuine hunger to see God work in and through me.
I realize that I forgot to put a picture of the Flint Hills in my last post, so here's a picture or two.
John3:30
-Daniel
So, Ezekiel.
The first two chapters were a lot. Ezekiel is sitting by the side of this river in Babylon during Israel's exile, when all of the sudden he hears God's voice and sees the four creatures that have a way of popping up at different times in the Bible (the standard 4 faces, wings, feet like calves, wheels with thousands of eyes, proclaiming the presence of an almighty God that you'd expect from the Ruler of the universe). Ezekiel is fearful, and falls on his face in reverence, but as God begins to explain to him what he has in store he commands him to stand up and be ready.
As Isaac and I talked about how cool this was, we struggled to find a real applicable theme in the first two chapters. But we definitely discovered, through conversation, some of what God commands of us as believers today.
Looking at Ezekiel's reverence, and how God commanded him to stand before he explained how he would use him to bring the Gospel to Israel, we ought to take the same posture when God calls us to do his work. We are always to be reverent of God, but when the time comes for us to go, we must be ready to act. We must be prepared to do the will of God at a moments notice, because we never know when God could call us to do something big. But also, our reverence is important. Every time we get near the holiness of God we should check ourselves just a little bit because we have done nothing to deserve a place in his presence, but, in fact, have done everything to earn ourselves death in his sight. But, Christians can rejoice because God's holy justice is buffered by his perfect love. We have the pleasure of serving a God how is holy in justice towards those who rebel against him, but also perfect in love and mercy towards those he has redeemed and called according to his purposes.
As I kept reading through chapter 4, several points kept coming up as God was telling Ezekiel where to go and what to do. God kept telling Ezekiel to preach boldly, to tell the rebellious people of Israel that the wrath of God was coming, but he said that some would not listen. Some people Ezekiel would talk to would let his words pass through their ears and not change.
This definitely has an application to today; we are called by God to share the Gospel always. We are supposed to be intentional with non-believers to share the good news with them, but there will be people who will not want anything to do with God, or the message we bring. Which brings the point around; God is sovereign, he has not called us to change lives, but to be obedient and share the good news. People have never saved other people, we are all broken just the same, but God is the one who changes people. The only difference between me and the worse serial killer on death row right now is Jesus. Jesus changes people, we are just called to preach in boldness and clarity as we speak the truth of the Gospel in love.
Chapters 5 & 6 gave me some more clarity as to why God called me into Kansas, and were full of wisdom about God, but in a different way than I am used to seeking it.
Chapters 5 & 6 were all about how God plans to "spend [His] fury" on Israel for their idolatry. Idolatry in the Bible has never been something that God has dealt with lightly, and their are gruesome details explaining God's plan for Israel because of how their hearts have turned from him to things he created. His jealousy for the hearts of his people is clearly displayed in the seriousness of his discipline towards his people.
Hebrews 13:8 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." So that same jealous God is still on the throne calling us away from idolatry. I was worshipping the comfort of friendships, the convenience of having my family close by, and trying to find my joy and satisfaction in my surroundings. But God's seriousness of his jealousy for my hearts affection has been clearly displayed in how he called me out to Kansas to get me isolated from distractions and all the idols I used to worship. He is wanting my heart; all of it.
I am praying that this time i spend reading the Bible every day would be fruitful, and that I would continue to learn more about God and his desire to capture my heart and use me. Please be praying that I have a genuine hunger to see God work in and through me.
I realize that I forgot to put a picture of the Flint Hills in my last post, so here's a picture or two.
Yes, this really is Kansas.
John3:30
-Daniel
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
September 17, 2013: Week 7
Sorry again, for being so sparse with the updates. TMP has been acquiring some new office space, and things have been crazy trying to get settled into the new space.
This weekend was, all at once, a blessing and a curse. On Saturday I woke up (too) early to go run a concession stand at Upward Football's location in Topeka. The kids were playing flag football all morning, and I left exhausted. But, the good news here, all of the money I make from running the stand will go to my support fund to hopefully extend my stay in Topeka!
I got done packing up and taking inventory quickly, because I was planning on going to the K-State football game that evening with my host family's oldest son, Chandler, whom I went to the DOminican Republic with in 2011. I was honestly very excited for the experience, because I have never been to a college football game outside of Florida, and my mom is a huge K-State fan! The drive from Topeka to Manhattan is surprisingly gorgeous. Whoever said Kansas is ALL flat and boring deserves a slap on the wrist. About 20 minutes outside Topeka you run into the Flint Hills (Pictures at the bottom), which nearly won the prize for prettiest scenery since my drive up. But quickly after arriving back on campus, I realized how much I missed Tallahassee, and the atmosphere of game day. This is not a bad thing to miss, but I let myself dwell on it entirely too long. Its obvious, yet crucial, that when I am dwelling on how much I miss Florida, I forget how much I am blessed and what God has called me to do.
I became a little more upset after visiting my 4th church in Topeka that doesn't have a college ministry. The process of trying out churches by myself gets a little routine disheartening. Although, I trust that once I find a church it will be very important that I immerse myself in its community, and it will play a big role in my development as a Christ follower. With that goal in mind, I press on with church visits.
Last night I called one of my best friends, Isaac, and talked with him about my heart, and trying to make sure it stays in the right place.
We talked about how I know my joy is in Christ, but I fail often to meet him where he comes to me in his word and in prayer. Thinking about how I have been slacking on reading my Bible lately, I re-read a quote I took down from a pastor at my home church in Lakeland a few years back:
"The sufficiency of scripture recognizes that we have everything we need for salvation and life in the canonical word. "Salvation belongs to The Lord alone" (Jonah 2:9). It does not come from within us but to us from heaven, as a rescue operation of the triune God. And the form in which this gospel comes normatively to us here and now is scripture. Even preaching is the word of God only insofar as it proclaims the commands and promises issued by these sacred texts. The Bible is not the product if spiritual geniuses, sensitive gurus, and religious sages who can help us find God; it is the revelation from The God who seeks and saves the lost even while they are running from him."
I understand in my heart that the gospel will come to me when I read the Word of God, but I fail to make time for it, even though I know it will give me joy to read and discover more of Christ and his plan for me. I have much time to spend repenting of, what boils down to be, my unbelief in the power of God's word.
Please pray that my joy would be restored to me through reading the Bible and prayer. Often times it feels like I don't have much else to rejoice in, but I know my salvation will never be taken from me. Hebrews 13:8 gives me reason to rejoice, saying, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
I have committed to reading the Bible more, and trying to start every day empty-handed, so that God can fill me and use me for his will. Please pray that this would be come a habit that would extend well past my time in Kansas, and change my life to know God more, love his word more, and to love his people more.
John3:30
-Daniel
This weekend was, all at once, a blessing and a curse. On Saturday I woke up (too) early to go run a concession stand at Upward Football's location in Topeka. The kids were playing flag football all morning, and I left exhausted. But, the good news here, all of the money I make from running the stand will go to my support fund to hopefully extend my stay in Topeka!
I got done packing up and taking inventory quickly, because I was planning on going to the K-State football game that evening with my host family's oldest son, Chandler, whom I went to the DOminican Republic with in 2011. I was honestly very excited for the experience, because I have never been to a college football game outside of Florida, and my mom is a huge K-State fan! The drive from Topeka to Manhattan is surprisingly gorgeous. Whoever said Kansas is ALL flat and boring deserves a slap on the wrist. About 20 minutes outside Topeka you run into the Flint Hills (Pictures at the bottom), which nearly won the prize for prettiest scenery since my drive up. But quickly after arriving back on campus, I realized how much I missed Tallahassee, and the atmosphere of game day. This is not a bad thing to miss, but I let myself dwell on it entirely too long. Its obvious, yet crucial, that when I am dwelling on how much I miss Florida, I forget how much I am blessed and what God has called me to do.
I became a little more upset after visiting my 4th church in Topeka that doesn't have a college ministry. The process of trying out churches by myself gets a little routine disheartening. Although, I trust that once I find a church it will be very important that I immerse myself in its community, and it will play a big role in my development as a Christ follower. With that goal in mind, I press on with church visits.
Last night I called one of my best friends, Isaac, and talked with him about my heart, and trying to make sure it stays in the right place.
We talked about how I know my joy is in Christ, but I fail often to meet him where he comes to me in his word and in prayer. Thinking about how I have been slacking on reading my Bible lately, I re-read a quote I took down from a pastor at my home church in Lakeland a few years back:
"The sufficiency of scripture recognizes that we have everything we need for salvation and life in the canonical word. "Salvation belongs to The Lord alone" (Jonah 2:9). It does not come from within us but to us from heaven, as a rescue operation of the triune God. And the form in which this gospel comes normatively to us here and now is scripture. Even preaching is the word of God only insofar as it proclaims the commands and promises issued by these sacred texts. The Bible is not the product if spiritual geniuses, sensitive gurus, and religious sages who can help us find God; it is the revelation from The God who seeks and saves the lost even while they are running from him."
I understand in my heart that the gospel will come to me when I read the Word of God, but I fail to make time for it, even though I know it will give me joy to read and discover more of Christ and his plan for me. I have much time to spend repenting of, what boils down to be, my unbelief in the power of God's word.
Please pray that my joy would be restored to me through reading the Bible and prayer. Often times it feels like I don't have much else to rejoice in, but I know my salvation will never be taken from me. Hebrews 13:8 gives me reason to rejoice, saying, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."
I have committed to reading the Bible more, and trying to start every day empty-handed, so that God can fill me and use me for his will. Please pray that this would be come a habit that would extend well past my time in Kansas, and change my life to know God more, love his word more, and to love his people more.
John3:30
-Daniel
Friday, September 13, 2013
Fall is here.
Fall weather has taken over Kansas in a matter of days! I could not be more excited to experience the coming seasons and the change that will come with them; both in nature, and in life!
The past few days have been busy, I'm sorry I haven't been writing as frequently as I'd like to, but I hope to find some more time to write about how God is changing me.
One of the greatest compliments I receive from my friends and family is to hear that I make them proud, and to hear that they are excited for what God is doing in my life. I have been extremely humbled recently to hear several of my friends tell me how proud they are of me, and telling me that they have been praying for God to change my heart, and it was a blessing for them to hear about all he is doing. Praise the Lord for godly friends who care for me, and pray for my well-being.
But, not all the news is good today, I have to admit that I've been very slack on doing my devotions every day. I will sometimes, instead of reading the Bible, watch a sermon or read a book that I'm going through with the man who is discipling me; but I really need to get back into to word. Please pray that I would be craving God's word, that I would be focused when I am reading, and that I would have discernment to see how it applies to me becoming a man of God. I want to be better equipped to serve after this year, and I believe in my head that the word of God will change me, I just need faith to carry it out in my actions by studying it.
I've been learning a lot about repentance from Matt Chandler sermons lately, and he had a very cool quote that I want to share about repentance:
"Our motivation to repent of sins is not of guilt but of an understanding that we have offended God and in that offense, God sent JEsus to die on the cross for us and that our justification in front of God alone is by the cross alone and by no act of our own merit. And that kindness, when we understand our depravity that we've sinned against God and his response has been the cross, that leads us to repentance."
Very strong words, but some I needed to hear. Every time I sin it is against God, and God alone. But even when I sin, the cross is greater than my sin. I don't need shame to motivate my repentance, because shame is guilt driven. But repentance is driven by the grace of the cross, to remind us that God is worth so much more than our sin. We don't have to white-knuckle anything to make up for the bad we've done, but we can rest in grace that overflows from the Father. What an amazing truth to run back to in times of despair.
Please be praying for an unspoken request I have, and be praying that at least one of my family members can visit me for Thanksgiving!
John3:30
-Daniel
The past few days have been busy, I'm sorry I haven't been writing as frequently as I'd like to, but I hope to find some more time to write about how God is changing me.
One of the greatest compliments I receive from my friends and family is to hear that I make them proud, and to hear that they are excited for what God is doing in my life. I have been extremely humbled recently to hear several of my friends tell me how proud they are of me, and telling me that they have been praying for God to change my heart, and it was a blessing for them to hear about all he is doing. Praise the Lord for godly friends who care for me, and pray for my well-being.
But, not all the news is good today, I have to admit that I've been very slack on doing my devotions every day. I will sometimes, instead of reading the Bible, watch a sermon or read a book that I'm going through with the man who is discipling me; but I really need to get back into to word. Please pray that I would be craving God's word, that I would be focused when I am reading, and that I would have discernment to see how it applies to me becoming a man of God. I want to be better equipped to serve after this year, and I believe in my head that the word of God will change me, I just need faith to carry it out in my actions by studying it.
I've been learning a lot about repentance from Matt Chandler sermons lately, and he had a very cool quote that I want to share about repentance:
"Our motivation to repent of sins is not of guilt but of an understanding that we have offended God and in that offense, God sent JEsus to die on the cross for us and that our justification in front of God alone is by the cross alone and by no act of our own merit. And that kindness, when we understand our depravity that we've sinned against God and his response has been the cross, that leads us to repentance."
Very strong words, but some I needed to hear. Every time I sin it is against God, and God alone. But even when I sin, the cross is greater than my sin. I don't need shame to motivate my repentance, because shame is guilt driven. But repentance is driven by the grace of the cross, to remind us that God is worth so much more than our sin. We don't have to white-knuckle anything to make up for the bad we've done, but we can rest in grace that overflows from the Father. What an amazing truth to run back to in times of despair.
Please be praying for an unspoken request I have, and be praying that at least one of my family members can visit me for Thanksgiving!
John3:30
-Daniel
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Cycles.
I have come to realize that my life in Kansas goes through cycles, very much like the one I experienced nearly a week ago.
I am still struggling very much with my identity in Christ, and trying to find my hope and security in Him instead of finding it in my friends and family back home (all of whom I miss very much).
After last week, when God really took time to bring me to my knees and come to the realization that He is the only thing I have and the only thing I need, I felt secure and confident that the work God is doing in my life was going to be worth it. But, being a terrible sinner, I am yet again struggling with unbelief in God's plan for my life. I know in my head that God is good, and that he is working in my life in ways tat I cannot even begin to imagine as he prepares my heart for a life time of serving him. But I still find myself missing Florida and feeling separated and vulnerable from everything I love.
Honestly, it is so hard for me to be in Kansas. I have never longed for anything like I long for my family, and friends back in Florida. I have never felt such deep emotions for a place like back home. But God is revealing himself to me as the one thing in my life that is always with me. And every time I wonder if moving 1,300 miles outside my comfort zone to discover God's will for my life is worth it, I fail to believe the Gospel and what it promises me. I trade my doubt and worry for the security and comfort of the Gospel, and I am tired of going through this cycle! I wish I could believe wholeheartedly that Christ IS enough for me, and that Christ WILL satisfy my heart if I seek him, but I fail to do so and leave myself , instead, wondering if God's promised work will be worth missing my friends.
Tonight I took time on my knees to repent of my unbelief. I do not want to believe any longer that my struggle cannot be overcome by the God who saved me, and gave me his Spirit to guide me always. God is still working on me, and I can boil it down to this one idea (which is more than I had last week):
God has my body. He has it right where he wants it. My head knows that this is where I am supposed to be. My head knows that too many doors were opened for this not to be the place God has called me to work in me. But He is relentlessly pursuing my heart to believe that He is good, and that he is enough to satisfy my empty heart. He is working in me to believe with my life that He is worth my struggle. He is calling me to rest in his sufficiency for my life in any circumstance. The cross was enough to cover my sin, my worry, my doubt, and my unbelief.
The cycle is complete. Yet again, I find myself convicted of my sin, and repenting of my unbelief. What a great feeling to know that God cares about my stubble, and even in my unbelief of his work, which has proved itself time and time again, he longs for me to run back to his trustworthy embrace.
Please pray that God would keep working to rid me of my unbelief, and that I would fall into the grace that he has given me. I have a strong desire in my heart to see God use me, and do great things in his name through me. I know for a fact that the work he is preparing me to do while I am in Kansas will be more powerful than I can dream of writing into words, but my sinful heart wants the result of God's preparation without going through the hard work of God preparing my heart. Please pray that I would continue to abide in grace, and rest in Christ's work on the cross and in my life.
As I wrap this entry up, I feel compelled to share something.
Please don't let my struggle turn you off to letting God work in you life in tough areas. The struggle I am encountering is reminding me that God is close, and that he is working to mold me into a man who will be effective in serving Him. I would encourage you to pray to open your life to letting God work in a way that will be hard, but ultimately would make you need Jesus. Moving away from my comfort zone has been the hardest experience of my life to endure, but I have never felt closer to God, and I have never desired to see him work in me more than during this time. It might be healthy for some of you reading this to pray that God would take you outside of your comfort zone to experience what it's like to need Jesus.
Or maybe not, I'll leave that between you and God.
But, I pray that this blog would affect some of you to love Jesus more and to see that doing scary things for God will result in a deeper understanding of grace and God's will for your life, just as this journey is doing in my life.
John3:30
-Daniel
I am still struggling very much with my identity in Christ, and trying to find my hope and security in Him instead of finding it in my friends and family back home (all of whom I miss very much).
After last week, when God really took time to bring me to my knees and come to the realization that He is the only thing I have and the only thing I need, I felt secure and confident that the work God is doing in my life was going to be worth it. But, being a terrible sinner, I am yet again struggling with unbelief in God's plan for my life. I know in my head that God is good, and that he is working in my life in ways tat I cannot even begin to imagine as he prepares my heart for a life time of serving him. But I still find myself missing Florida and feeling separated and vulnerable from everything I love.
Honestly, it is so hard for me to be in Kansas. I have never longed for anything like I long for my family, and friends back in Florida. I have never felt such deep emotions for a place like back home. But God is revealing himself to me as the one thing in my life that is always with me. And every time I wonder if moving 1,300 miles outside my comfort zone to discover God's will for my life is worth it, I fail to believe the Gospel and what it promises me. I trade my doubt and worry for the security and comfort of the Gospel, and I am tired of going through this cycle! I wish I could believe wholeheartedly that Christ IS enough for me, and that Christ WILL satisfy my heart if I seek him, but I fail to do so and leave myself , instead, wondering if God's promised work will be worth missing my friends.
Tonight I took time on my knees to repent of my unbelief. I do not want to believe any longer that my struggle cannot be overcome by the God who saved me, and gave me his Spirit to guide me always. God is still working on me, and I can boil it down to this one idea (which is more than I had last week):
God has my body. He has it right where he wants it. My head knows that this is where I am supposed to be. My head knows that too many doors were opened for this not to be the place God has called me to work in me. But He is relentlessly pursuing my heart to believe that He is good, and that he is enough to satisfy my empty heart. He is working in me to believe with my life that He is worth my struggle. He is calling me to rest in his sufficiency for my life in any circumstance. The cross was enough to cover my sin, my worry, my doubt, and my unbelief.
The cycle is complete. Yet again, I find myself convicted of my sin, and repenting of my unbelief. What a great feeling to know that God cares about my stubble, and even in my unbelief of his work, which has proved itself time and time again, he longs for me to run back to his trustworthy embrace.
Please pray that God would keep working to rid me of my unbelief, and that I would fall into the grace that he has given me. I have a strong desire in my heart to see God use me, and do great things in his name through me. I know for a fact that the work he is preparing me to do while I am in Kansas will be more powerful than I can dream of writing into words, but my sinful heart wants the result of God's preparation without going through the hard work of God preparing my heart. Please pray that I would continue to abide in grace, and rest in Christ's work on the cross and in my life.
As I wrap this entry up, I feel compelled to share something.
Please don't let my struggle turn you off to letting God work in you life in tough areas. The struggle I am encountering is reminding me that God is close, and that he is working to mold me into a man who will be effective in serving Him. I would encourage you to pray to open your life to letting God work in a way that will be hard, but ultimately would make you need Jesus. Moving away from my comfort zone has been the hardest experience of my life to endure, but I have never felt closer to God, and I have never desired to see him work in me more than during this time. It might be healthy for some of you reading this to pray that God would take you outside of your comfort zone to experience what it's like to need Jesus.
Or maybe not, I'll leave that between you and God.
But, I pray that this blog would affect some of you to love Jesus more and to see that doing scary things for God will result in a deeper understanding of grace and God's will for your life, just as this journey is doing in my life.
John3:30
-Daniel
Church Visits, Church Visits, and More Church Visits.
For the past few weeks I have been visiting different churches around the Topeka area promoting TMP's biggest fund-raising event of the year, and I have observed a few really encouraging things.
I listened to a Pastor talk about how in the early church, during the Roman occupation, Christians felt very out of control. But the way God moved in them to fix this problem was to combine two streams: Compassion and Evangelism. Many churches believe that the goal of the church is to do acts of service, and treat physical, emotional, financial, and material needs of the impoverished. While other churches would say that you cannot focus on the aforementioned needs, but have to solely provide care for spiritual needs, even going so far as to say that they would not send people with full stomachs to hell.
God moved in a powerful way in the early church, visible in Acts 1, where the disciples were sharing everything and selling possessions to be able to support one another, but also boldly declaring the Gospel where it needed to be preached.
These two streams were separated in the middle ages, but in the last 100 years have come back together, and TMP partnering with the churches of Topeka is a perfect example of the merging of these two streams.
Trash Mountain Project, o the surface, may seem to focus its work on the physical needs of the communities we are planted in. But, by partnering with local churches, we are planting churches all over the world to bring the hope of Jesus Christ to a people group that not many people know exist.
It has been very encouraging to see God work though TMP and Topeka churches to combine the compassion and evangelism into a common purpose aimed at these communities in poverty.
I am still "shopping" for churches, but appreciate the encouragement and prayers from everyone!
John3:30
-Daniel
I listened to a Pastor talk about how in the early church, during the Roman occupation, Christians felt very out of control. But the way God moved in them to fix this problem was to combine two streams: Compassion and Evangelism. Many churches believe that the goal of the church is to do acts of service, and treat physical, emotional, financial, and material needs of the impoverished. While other churches would say that you cannot focus on the aforementioned needs, but have to solely provide care for spiritual needs, even going so far as to say that they would not send people with full stomachs to hell.
God moved in a powerful way in the early church, visible in Acts 1, where the disciples were sharing everything and selling possessions to be able to support one another, but also boldly declaring the Gospel where it needed to be preached.
These two streams were separated in the middle ages, but in the last 100 years have come back together, and TMP partnering with the churches of Topeka is a perfect example of the merging of these two streams.
Trash Mountain Project, o the surface, may seem to focus its work on the physical needs of the communities we are planted in. But, by partnering with local churches, we are planting churches all over the world to bring the hope of Jesus Christ to a people group that not many people know exist.
It has been very encouraging to see God work though TMP and Topeka churches to combine the compassion and evangelism into a common purpose aimed at these communities in poverty.
I am still "shopping" for churches, but appreciate the encouragement and prayers from everyone!
John3:30
-Daniel
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Encouraging Times.
Thank you to everyone who has texted, emailed, called, or messaged me words of encouragement and scripture. I am grateful beyond words for your support, and belief in what God is doing in my heart.
The past week has been a roller coaster. Even though I'm still dealing with homesickness (for lack of better word) and things of that sort, now when confronted with anxiety my answer is Christ. Work does a pretty good job of keeping me busy (more on that below) but the past few days I have gotten this crazy feeling on my way home from work. I catch my self thinking about how crazy it is that I landed in the middle of nowhere, Topeka, Kansas, to get to the center of God's will for my life and to grow spiritually. It is a satisfying feeling to miss your friends, but turn to Christ and know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If I had chosen not to come to Kansas, I do not know if I would be feeling the same satisfaction in my heart.
Work has been busy, we are expanding into more office space behind our current office space, so the past few weeks have been filled with painting, cleaning, and restoring the back office space as well as learning how to successfully maintain the aquaponics facility under TMP's care. I am loving getting to work with a ministry like TMP where I can be used to help lighten the load of the full time staff so they can focus on 'saving the world' as I like to tease them about. God as blessed me with an opportunity to gain hands-on experience, and to grow closer to him during this time, and I can rest in the goodness of His plan for my life.
In other news: MY MOM SENT ME A CARE PACKAGE AND IM SO EXCITED I HAD TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. It should arrive on Saturday, right around the time I start crying from excitement.
I am leading a small group through Fellowship Bible Church of 11th grade boys, and we had our first meeting last night! I have 4 killer 16-17 year olds that I will get to see God work through and change right before my eyes. PLEASE pray that my ministry to them is effective, and that they would hunger and thirst for God, and to know him. I am very encouraged by our first meeting, we ended up laughing and sharing some of our favorite things with each other nearly the entire night. I am looking forward to God moving in them during the course of the school year.
Thanks again for your continued prayers and support, I have been very encouraged by all of you. Please keep emailing, texting, calling, or messaging me on Facebook if you have questions or something that you think would encourage me! God bless.
John3:30
HE must increase, I must decrease.
-Daniel
The past week has been a roller coaster. Even though I'm still dealing with homesickness (for lack of better word) and things of that sort, now when confronted with anxiety my answer is Christ. Work does a pretty good job of keeping me busy (more on that below) but the past few days I have gotten this crazy feeling on my way home from work. I catch my self thinking about how crazy it is that I landed in the middle of nowhere, Topeka, Kansas, to get to the center of God's will for my life and to grow spiritually. It is a satisfying feeling to miss your friends, but turn to Christ and know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. If I had chosen not to come to Kansas, I do not know if I would be feeling the same satisfaction in my heart.
Work has been busy, we are expanding into more office space behind our current office space, so the past few weeks have been filled with painting, cleaning, and restoring the back office space as well as learning how to successfully maintain the aquaponics facility under TMP's care. I am loving getting to work with a ministry like TMP where I can be used to help lighten the load of the full time staff so they can focus on 'saving the world' as I like to tease them about. God as blessed me with an opportunity to gain hands-on experience, and to grow closer to him during this time, and I can rest in the goodness of His plan for my life.
In other news: MY MOM SENT ME A CARE PACKAGE AND IM SO EXCITED I HAD TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS. It should arrive on Saturday, right around the time I start crying from excitement.
I am leading a small group through Fellowship Bible Church of 11th grade boys, and we had our first meeting last night! I have 4 killer 16-17 year olds that I will get to see God work through and change right before my eyes. PLEASE pray that my ministry to them is effective, and that they would hunger and thirst for God, and to know him. I am very encouraged by our first meeting, we ended up laughing and sharing some of our favorite things with each other nearly the entire night. I am looking forward to God moving in them during the course of the school year.
Thanks again for your continued prayers and support, I have been very encouraged by all of you. Please keep emailing, texting, calling, or messaging me on Facebook if you have questions or something that you think would encourage me! God bless.
John3:30
HE must increase, I must decrease.
-Daniel
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Overwhelmed and Encouraged.
Since my last post, I have been overwhelmed with encouragement from friends, family, and people I have never met in my life. The feeling of support has swept over me like a mighty wind of grace that I can't help but fall on my knees and thank God for his perfect mercy in my life.
Emails, calls, texts, and Facebook messages from believers have been reminding me that Christ is sufficient in my struggle, and he will prevail and have the victory over my unbelief.
Today, my friend Caleb called me and encouraged me with Isaiah 61 which says,
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.
They shall build up the ancient ruins;
they shall raise up the former devastations;
they shall repair the ruined cities,
the devastations of many generations.
This passage gave me assurance in my call this morning. As I said in my previous post, God's working in my heart is evidence of big things to come in my life. If he wasn't planning something big, he would not be drawing on my heart in such a big and painful way.
His call on my life right now is to bring the good news to the poor, and to bind the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives that our God has set you free in the Son. God also plans to restore me, as he has begun to do today through the encouragement I have received. I believe that God is preparing me for something big. And if I have learned anything from God in the month I have lived here, it is that when you pray for big things from God, you had better expect big things to happen.
I'm praying today for grace to keep following God, I don't want anything in my life to become so important that I could not give it up for Christ, and whatever he calls me to do.
Even though I look around and have nobody but Christ, I can rejoice because God has given me everything I need.
John3:30
HE must increase, I must decrease.
-Daniel
Monday, September 2, 2013
A Night To Remember In My Spiritual Walk.
Dear friends, family, and loved ones,
I have to make a confession. The 4th marks one full month since I arrived in Topeka, and began blogging consistently. I have to admit that I have not been very up-front about much of what has been going on in my life (more specifically in my heart) since I arrived in Topeka. I will do my best to explain everything as I'm sure you have many questions as to what that statement could mean, and I will also explain how tonight has been the defining night of my walk with Jesus Christ and how I will never be the same after tonight's events. But first I want to apologize for not being honest and open with the readers of this blog. I hoped that by masking many of the less-than-pretty experiences I have had/felt that I would help encourage people to stretch themselves and pursue whatever it is God has for them. But, now I see that this is not the case. As a reader of this blog, I desperately need you to bring my mission, and requests to the throne of God in prayer. I absolutely need you to be praying for me in the most informed way, and you cannot do this unless you are properly informed. This being stated, I plan on being completely open with this blog, so that you can pray for me in my struggles, hardships, victories, and positive experiences.
To be honest:
The last month of my life, since arriving in Topeka, has been the hardest month of my entire life. I have experienced lows in my spiritual and emotional life that I did not know were possible. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I agreed to move 1,300 miles away from my home. I have been completely isolated from my friends, my family, and any source of comfort that I could ever cling onto. I have experienced moderate depression symptoms as I struggled to find, and even search for a group of friends in this new place I am calling home for the next year. I have felt particularly defeated lately, as I have made many efforts to submerge myself into a group of friends, but not seeing many people willing to reach out to me and simply be my friend. This experience on top of missing my dearest friends and family have been mounting for the past 5 weeks.
Tonight was a terrifying and beautiful night in my walk with Christ, because all at once, I felt completely separated from everything I once drew comfort and security from. All of the things in my life that I worshipped, including my group of friends, my loving family's support, and even something as simple at watching a football game on TV felt so far away from me. I realized for the first time that everything I held dear to me was back in Florida, and I seriously began to question why I moved away from everything that was such a big part of my life, and made me feel at home?
This mental breakdown occurred in a Starbucks, where I sat by myself and cried. I cried for the first time since moving away from my family. For the first time since leaving my closest friends in Tallahassee. For the first time since getting in the car and driving 22 hours away from everything I had worked so hard to make myself feel secure. I felt vulnerable, and I was terrified.
I left the Starbucks and proceeded to call my mom and cry harder than I have ever cried before. I could not understand how God, in all his goodness and wisdom, could allow me to feel so vulnerable, insecure, and isolated from everything I loved.
During the conversation with my mom, my faith became real to me for the first time in my entire life.
I realized that God never gave me friends to make me feel secure. God never gave me a loving family to make me feel like they were the ones who supported me always. God never wanted me to place my identity in the people I love, or the places I call home. God saw me in my sin, and his response to my sin and rejection of His love was the cross; so that now I can stand justified in his sight by the blood of his son Jesus, and that is where my security and comfort is truly found.
Missing Florida is not a bad thing. But telling myself that Florida is the only place I can be truly happy is not what the Gospel says. The Gospel says my joy is in Christ, and in the power of the cross over my shameless sin against God. This realization, that the only thing I need is Christ changed me. I sat in my car in an empty parking lot with only Christ, and my salvation to boast in and rely on for comfort.
I only have Christ and his work for me on the cross to lean on in Topeka. The good news is that it is the only thing I will ever need for the rest of my life.
As I prayed in my car for nearly an hour, I began to feel peace rushing over me in my vulnerability. I was alone with Christ, and I felt secure. I had no friends, or family, or comfort from anything but Christ's great love for me. This became real for me for the first time in my life. I understood why all my efforts to connect with people in Topeka seemed to bounce right back at me, because if I had friends right now, I would not need Jesus this much. Praise the Lord for his sovereign wisdom, and plan over my life.
God is planning something big in my life. As cliche as that sounds, and as often as I throw that phrase around, I believe that it is really true. God would not be continually working in my life to strip away my comfort and security to only find Him at the end of all my schemes to feel secure if He did not want me to realize that He is the one constant rock for me to cling onto, and place my life in his hands to do whatever he wills with my life. But first, God is asking for all of me to commit to following him. Even to the point of pain, and separation from my comfort and pride.
Please pray for me, I need it now more than ever. I need to become a strong man empowered by the love of Christ to do his will in the midst of conditions that, quite frankly, I am sick of. I want to completely devote my life to Christ, to glorify his name and make it known among the hopeless and the broken. I want to go wherever God calls me, and stay there even if it is miserable, as I feel right now. I know that suffering for the sake of Christ will not be in vain. I need faith to believe with my life that the decision to follow God's call away from everything I love and hold dear was for my good and the glorify God.
I love you all, and appreciate your prayers. Please give me feedback on any questions you may have or things you would like to say to me here: Daniel@trashmountain.com | 785.409.4782
John3:30
He must increase, I must decrease.
-Daniel
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